Life Is Like A Box Of Turds

You never know HOW bad it's gonna taste

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YUM YUM!!!! Do YOU know this?

Woohoo, went for a walk in the forest today and freakin' found the plant I've been searcing for for ages.... tastes sooo yummy. Crispy and sour and kinda looks like overgrown clover.

So, does anyone know what it is????


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My 200th post, FTW....

So I've seen the doc again - and she perscribed Lamictal 25 mg. It's an anti-depressant mood stabilizer. And it has actually helped.... I feel a lot better, lucky for me that it works so fast. Damn, I thought I had to get admitted again... but it seems like I made it, at least for now.
So now my list of meds go like this:

0,12 mg Rivotril
25 mg Seroquel
20 mg Cipralex
10 mg Abilify

0,5 mg Rivotril

0,25 mg Rivotril
25 mg Seroquel
25 mg Lamictal

Geez..... that is a LOT of medicine. It's a bit scary actually.... well, as long as I can function properly, I don't really care. My life will probably be shortened a few years because of all those meds, but bah - quality, not quantity - RIGHT????
Anyways, I'll go see the doc again on Wednesday for a check up.

PS: New user pic, hahaha. I look like I'm wearing a hair helmet. 

You can't fight in here - this is the war room!

Yep, so I've gone mental. More than usual that is.

Friday my mind took a walk off the map - I was completely psychotic and felt like shit. Called up my doctor, but she couldn't give me an appointment before Monday, tomorrow. I already had an appointment Tuesday because I had suspicions that I was going nuts......  well, the doc  suggested that I take Alopam 10 mg maximum twice a day until I see her Monday.
My mom even came by, because I was a nervous wreck. I took an Alopam and slowly calmed down a little.....
Since then it has been better and better and I haven't touched Alopam since.

I can't believe how much my mental state is acting like a rollercoaster..... up and down up and down.
I believe it is because of me quitting smoking... think it was a form of self-medicating behavior and now I have nothing.... except food. Yikes.
Today I'm actually okay and have energy.... Mmmmph, wonder I've I've gone bipolar or something.

And now a random blast from the past:

Me from a 2005 shoot in Copenhagen.
Can't believe I've looked this good:


Say...... what???????


Uhmmm.... so this email tumbles into my inbox from a user on Youtube called MosKassen. This was like 10 minutes ago, and its headline said 'Important, please read' - so of course I'm thinking:
"Oh-oh, virus or spam!"

But instead it says this, translated into english from danish:

"Hi Ditte. We on Moskassen have used your beautiful face in some of our videos. We hope that's okay with you. In no way are we trying to expose you in a negative way, because you play the hero in the story. Here is a link to the episode where you star the most.
Kind Regards, Niels and Emma"

Eh, and I blink a few time questioning my own sanity. I have 1.117 subscribers on youtube and almost half a million views, so I guess stuff like this is inevitable when you're not 'below the youtube popularity radar'. Man, that sounded selfcentered, but it isn't.
Anyway, I have no idea who these people are and I reluctantly click on the link. Then I am flabbergasted.... on the screen this very weird looking show pops up with digitally cut out pictures bouncing to and fro..... haha, a weird kid's show of some sort in Danish. Very amateurish and has 25 views and 1 comment, LOL. It makes NO sense.... and is like 15 minutes long. I watch not knowing whether I should be offended or amused, and there I pop up. God.... the ugliest pic of me ever online!!!! Again again and again! Over and over. LOL.

The pic litterally looks like an overfed puffin without the feathers or something. Gosh, worst screenshot of me ever... Look for yourselves:


Well..... Ummm..... this is apparently a scene where I annihilate some space dog, which is a villain. LOL. And my name is DEN GYLDNE LONE..... translates to The Golden Lone, and I pop out of an egg! What? Whatwhatwhat???

Hahaha, well, I responded to the email pretty much saying that the whole not exposing me in a negative way-thing is pure bullshit because of their photo choice.... but to go ahead with it, because I find it rather funny. Hahaha.
In some way this made my day, hahaa...... it sure has entertained me. LOL.

Here is the very weird video, if anyone's interested:

WHOAH, it's been forever!

Hi LiveJournal peeps!
Geez, I haven't posted since last year, what the hell???
I guess I've been busy.... doing what? I honestly don't know, except ONE thing:

I've quit smoking!!!!!

Yes, you heard me right.... I usually smoked 40 cigs a day and have done so since I was 14.... so I've been a heavy smoker for 15 years. Well, now I'm no longer said smoker.

Tomorrow I celebrate 2 months and 2 weeks of my new life as a non-smoker. Never thought I could do it really... but I did. Unfortunately my weight had gone up so much in the first 3 weeks, that I haven't measured it since.... too scared. :-s

Well, other than that I'm pretty unstable mentally these days for some reason, maybe because of the missing cigs. But I'm doing okay.

GREETINGS everyone out there!

A slideshow of my pix!

Hi y'all - here's a slideshow of my autumn/winter nature pix, hope you like!
Thanks to sonicsonia for the techincal help! :-)

AWOS 'What's In A Place' CHALLENGE
So, this time the piece must include this in some way:

The house at the top of the small hill was made of brick, crumbling to dust in many places. At some point, it had been painted blue, but the color had flaked away in wide swaths, revealing the original red of the brick beneath. The windows along the front of the house were either broken or boarded up, and the ground around the foundation was littered with fallen bricks, pieces of splintered wood, and fragments of glittering glass. Several boards were missing from the front porch, and the ones that remained looked decidedly rotten. Something had smashed into the chimney's right front corner, leaving a large ragged hole, and imparting a precarious lean towards the house's interior.


The dusk was rolling in along with thick fog which covered the meadows in a gray soup. Her footsteps in the dewy grass were completely silent, only accompanied by a lonely owl's howl somewhere down by the trees in the valley. Shimmering occasionally above her was the half moon, partially covered by clouds sweeping across the dark blue sky. The house at the top of the small hill was made of brick, crumbling to dust in many places. As she made her way towards it she savored the wet licking of the strands of grass against her bare ankles and feet. Her dress was flowing around her in the wind, heavy at the bottom with dew where the white fabric had turned a darker shade.
The deep silence of this newborn night felt magical to her as she closed in on the decaying house. Everything here was as she remembered it, even the smell and the sensation of the small gusts of wind from the west. Although it was peaceful and serene here it was not without sadness to her heart seeing this place again. It held so many memories. Treasured memories, which had always been imbedded in her longing mind. Longing to go back. Back to where everything was right, when life had seemed brighter and much more playful and innocent.

The grass started to thin out a little and she could feel the slight pricking sensation of rough gravel under the soles of her feet as she reached the wall of the house. At some point, it had been painted blue, but the color had flaked away in wide swaths, revealing the original red of the brick beneath. Smiling a melancholic smile she let her hand slide down the flaky wall, causing a rain of old paint to fall down in front of her feet. It landed in the wet grass like frosty dew. Her smile faded a little as she started to walk slowly along the front of the old house. Her mind was struggling to control all the glimpses of her past here which were exploding in her brain as she let her eyes wander. Glimpses of smiling faces, her mom knitting in her chair on the porch bathed in sunlight, her long lost golden retriever barking with joy when she came home from school in the afternoons, her darling little brother...
The windows along the front of the house were now either broken or boarded up, and the ground around the foundation was littered with fallen bricks, pieces of splintered wood, and fragments of glittering glass. Several boards were missing from the front porch, and the ones that remained looked decidedly rotten. Still she could clearly see herself embracing her mother right there in the sun, exchanging kisses on the cheek and chatting away. It seemed like Utopia back then, at least in retrospect. Of course everything hadn't been perfect... But in her mind it had been as perfect as anything could ever be. Especially compared to what happened on that fateful night in mid august so long ago and the following aftermath. With a soft sigh she looked up at the roof with its now gaping holes here and there and loose roof tiles. Something had smashed into the chimney's right front corner, leaving a large ragged hole, and imparting a precarious lean towards the house's interior. Blinking a few times she had another flashback, this time not of laughter and sunshine but pure horror. The August night that had changed her life forever. A cold tear began rolling down her china white cheek.

She suddenly found herself back in the little bedroom along with her younger brother, Jacob. He was always complaining about the draft from the window as he lay in their shared bed, hugging his duvet tight. She was never annoyed by his complaints though, because the blonde little boy wasn't exactly 'polstered' as herself or their mother - he was a skinny little one ever since he came down with the rickets when he was only five. So she would get up and close the window as tight as she could before crawling back under the duvet and warming his shaking, fragile body. It had been a routine almost - and then she would tell him fairytales and stories of faraway lands and mystical creatures. He had loved that. But then on that august night the bedtime story had been abruptly interrupted by a deafening crash and rumble of bricks sliding down the roof. Both herself and her brother had jumped up in shock as it felt like the whole house was about to tumble down on top of them. She remembered clearly that she had grabbed his tiny hand in her own and hurrying to get outside she had called out for her mother, who was in the living room, usually knitting or quilting. But as she had opened the door to the living room the scene that met her had scarred her for life. He was there. The stranger, the creature only talked about in the worst of horror stories. He had come crashing down the chimney in his deluded state of insane hunger and bloodlust. She knew what he was. Frozen in her tracks eyeing the predator and her disemboweled mother she managed to whisper for Jacob to run as she protected him with her body as a shield. The creature's glowing eyes pierced her as a crooked smile spread on his pale, deformed face and she knew that he could read her mind. In a split second Jacob was torn away from behind her and the nauseating sound of blood gushing and bones breaking echoed throughout the valley along with her terrified scream. Then it was her turn.

With a gasp she blinked again and removed her hand from the paint chipped wall. The dew by her feet was growing colder and the moon had already readied itself to set. With tears streaming down her face she walked with heavy feet to the east end of the house. Here she gazed at the meadows which seemed to go on forever. 'Forever'. The word echoed in her mind, spoken by the creature itself even though he was now gone. She had finally taken her vengeance and killed him by her own hand. A plan that had been brewing ever since that fateful night where he didn't even show her the mercy of having a choice. She never got to choose. But tonight she had decided to take fate into her own hands, escaping her past, her life and mostly herself. Either way she chose she would be dead in a few weeks for what her new so called 'family members' considered as a heinous crime. Killing her own. But she wanted to choose now, no more nodding heads and carrying out orders. She was the soldier of her own fortune now. A sad smile decorated her lips as a small glimmer of light started to appear in the horizon. Chipping off more paint she let herself slide down the wall to sit down on the moist grass. It was time. The moon had said its silent goodbyes and had slipped away, clearing the way for the sun's infant rays. Folding her hands in her lap she couldn't help but marvel at the spectacular array of orange shades illuminating the horizon. It was glorious. It was so beautiful and she had longed for this moment for years and years and finally today it would be fulfilled. Blinking as the light grew stronger a little hint of fear started to curl up as a knot in her stomach, but she sternly dismissed it. This was her moment. She quietly whispered the name of her little brother as the rays of light finally exploded from the edge of the meadows. Her skin started to sear in the sunlight and she began to chip away just like the paint on the wall behind her, flakes of ashes blowing with the wind from the west. She saw her mother on the porch... and her brother hugging the duvet... Closing her eyes the roaring flames engulfed her.


AWOS timed writing challenge B
This challenge was limited to 5 minutes of writing, including the words 'demon' and 'perfect' in the piece.


Dust particles are dancing in the wind from the open window, creating tiny crop circles on my dirty, wooden floor. The planks seem to shiver under my weight as I walk around in possessed circles, leading the conversation - or trying to. She is always so committed to turning everything on its head and of course against me, her submissive hostess, when all comes to all. Whenever I try to talk back and state my opinion she can twist my words into elaborate accusations pointed at my hopeless inability not to cower once she opens her mouth. I wish those grains of dust would fill her lungs, choking her and disabling her from always winning these damned battles of the minds.
She is a lot like me though... We are disturbingly identical, yet so different that it scares me how close we are. An eternal bond, I guess. I never chose her, it was like she chose me some time so far back that I don't even remember a time when she wasn't always there. Taunting me. Questioning my every action or thought. She is lurking in the shadows like a cat eying its prey while my pacing around intensifies, making the floor quirk slightly. My head hurts. There should be a permanent groove where my tired feet have dragged themselves around on the planks for so many years. An endless circle. Endless. Just as she seems to be. Nothing I ever said or did has discouraged her the least from harassing me day and night. She always knows best. Even though her plans are devilish and manipulative she somehow always talks me into it. I hate her yet I can't live without her. She is like the perfect demon, holding my very soul in her hands. Controlling every string in the social puppet show starring my pathetic self, making me bolt and dance and obey her every command. I talk back, I do. But to no avail. She will always be my mask and nemesis. She will always be myself.


Autumn Blues

I feel like I'm asleep.... or that my brain is at least. All day I've been extremely tired, confused and apathetic. It sucks, really. Also, this dark time of year is getting to me. I feel depressed to be honest. It's like I'm stuck in a boring, sinister groove of some out-of-date LP record.
I have no idea where I'm going - or what I want. Aimlessly floating... or sinking? I don't know.
I just hope things will brighten soon, because it sucks being so damn 'flat' and drained all the time.
This song really speaks to me these days for some odd reason:

Other than that I guess everything's good. Just chilling... but not finding joy in anything these days. Perception skills down as if I'm doped, apathetic like I don't care and and it feels like I have suddenly developed ADD or something, because I've forgotten to write on this post like 5 times now, switching my gaze to the TV screen. God, I hate that Horatio guy from CSI. Why does he always have to end each scene with some smartass comment - which isn't cool in any way at all, but just damn ridiculous? Who writes those crappy lines anyway?

Well... I guess I'll end my rambling now. Most of it is as detatched as I feel from the world at the moment anyway.

Hope you guys are doing good.

AWOS poetry exercise - REVERSAL poem
This is my contribution to the REVERSAL POEM challenge.
“A reversal is a poem in which a stereotype or a received truth is simply turned on its head.” Some examples he provides are poems about a cuddly vampire, Death as a kindly figure, and the visible man.


He is respected by his fellow man
Holds his head high on the street
Where he proudly shows off his tan
While joyfully shuffling his feet

His money is plenty, his mood is high
Booking expensive hotels in the south
Signing the checks in a blink of an eye
Born with a silver spoon in his mouth

He was raised with fortune and quality
He is America's dream come true
His voice is always the ruling majority
And it is up to him what to choose

His interior overrules the exterior
And he combs his curly, black hair
Men like him will never be inferior
Proud people breathe the same air

Because he NEVER slept on the floor
He NEVER lived in a cardboard box
He always knew he was so much more
Than just some stranger from the blocks

PS: It's important for me to note carefully, that this poem is about the STEREOTYPICAL racist view on the afro-american people living in USA, NOT my own view!!!


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